The Summer Fair
by bratprincess
Summary: Challenge fic: The first and last Summer Fair of Gondor. 'Elronds Mystical Parlour' 'Dunk the Rohirrim' oh my...


Dis: doesn't belong to me, no harm intended, no money being made, is Tolkien's a/n another challenge from mc-challenge yahoo!group.  
  
challenge was:  
  
1. Any genre  
  
2. Must include Aragorn, Legolas, Elrond and (just for the heck of  
  
it) Boromir. ALL of these characters please.  
  
3. You may include any other characters you desire, as secondary  
  
characters, but the story MUST be about those four.  
  
4. NO OC's, Self-insert or MS's PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
5. Please include the ALL of the following lines:  
  
a. You look as though you sat on a mouse!  
  
b. Why can't you just make lemonaide like a normal person?  
  
c. Sing and dance, why don't you? Not enough people are  
  
looking!  
  
d. Go play with your pet cat! Go on! Go!  
  
'The Summer Fair' by bratprincess  
  
Aragorn quietly surveyed the field. The preparations for the event  
  
had taken many weeks to complete, he hoped it went well. There was a  
  
stage set up, several tents and stools including 'Dunk the  
  
Rohirrim,' 'Hit the Orc' and a mystic tent called 'Elrond's Magic  
  
Parlour' (Galadriel had been asked but had declined, feigning  
  
illness, some people). There were events set up throughout the day  
  
and everyone was welcome. There was however one problem, none of them  
  
could remember why they had decided to have this fair. Legolas said  
  
it was to celebrate the Dark Lord being destroyed, but they had had  
  
one for that already. Elrond insisted it was to celebrate some  
  
obscure Elvish festival, but it was in Gondor and why would people  
  
have agreed to that? There were many more suggestions, personally,  
  
Aragorn thought they had just got drunk and decided that a fair was  
  
the best thing in the world they could do.  
  
So they had decided to call it the 'Summer Fair,' although both  
  
Legolas and Elrond had insisted that it was much closer to Autumn  
  
than to Summer, but 'Autumn Fair' looked silly on the banners and  
  
well, who ever heard of an Autumn Fair? (Even though Legolas had,  
  
again, /insisted/ that they held one every year in Mirkw...Eryn  
  
Lasgalen).  
  
Aragorn was startled out of his thoughts by a boy running into him,  
  
he seemed frantic. "What's wrong?"  
  
"The Hobbits are here! The Hobbits are here! And they've gone  
  
straight for the food stalls, ma sent me to go and get some help!"  
  
Aragorn laughed, 'well, I supposed the day has truly begun' he  
  
thought.  
  
***  
  
Legolas looked around, a few more touches and his concoction would be  
  
complete. He reached over to grab a bottle, huh, out of wine. 'No  
  
matter' said Legolas to himself, to himself he said, 'I'll just go  
  
and get more, and I need some more herbs and fruits as well.' And off  
  
he scurried.  
  
***  
  
Elrond fixed his shawl for about the thirtieth time. Mutter under his  
  
breath, "stupid Galadriel...had to play ill...couldn't be at butt-end  
  
of jokes for a day...no...had to make Elrond look stupid...just  
  
because she couldn't bring her stupid mirror..." His voice and  
  
thoughts trailed off as he saw a silhouette against the side of the  
  
tent. No, wait, it wasn't a silhouette, it was all the stupid incense  
  
making the person all smoky, they were in the tent!  
  
"Who is it?" He asked impatiently.  
  
"It's me," the person replied.  
  
"And who are you?"  
  
"That depends, who are you?"  
  
"Oh stop being so stupid, I know you can see me perfectly and  
  
besides! The tent has my name painted onto the side!"  
  
"Oh, yeah, it's me, Faramir."  
  
"Faramir?"  
  
"Yeah, Boromir's little brother."  
  
"I know who you are you imbecile! But what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh! I was just wondering if you could maybe do me a...er...favour?"  
  
Elrond grew suspicious, "what kind of favour?" He had already put up  
  
with a group of hobbits and about 20 people from Minas Tirith after  
  
fortunes and trivial things. So far today he had not been very  
  
successful. When a woman had asked about the location of her son  
  
Elrond had readily replied that he was in a tavern in the city. She  
  
had promptly fainted, of course it wasn't until later that he had  
  
realised that her son was dead and she wanted to know where he  
  
rested. He had finally given up giving people proper fortunes, they  
  
seemed to be happy with, 'your harvest will be good this year'  
  
or 'you will soon come into some money.' Of course he wouldn't be  
  
around for them to complain to.  
  
A cough from Faramir drew Elrond out of his thoughts. "Oh, you're  
  
still here. What did you want?"  
  
"I was wondering if you could help me contact my brother?"  
  
"Why do you want to contact my brother?"  
  
"No, not /your/ brother, /my/ brother, Boromir."  
  
"Oh, no, sorry, can't do that...not for elves to know what happens to  
  
men...only for Eru...blah blah blah." Elrond dismissed him quickly.  
  
"Surely you can, great Elf-Lord. You are the revered Lord Elrond of  
  
Imladris, Herald of Gil-galad..." Faramir tried to think of more  
  
titles, unfortunately he drew a blank, ending with, "all round nice  
  
guy!"  
  
Flattery is something that you would think Elrond would see right  
  
through, alas, it was not a good day. With low self-esteem, flattery  
  
buttered Lord Elrond right up. "Ok, we can try, but I've never done  
  
this before." Elrond warned.  
  
***  
  
The hobbits were officially under control (so to speak) the truth be  
  
told there was no food left that the hobbits liked. Aragorn looked at  
  
the desecrated food stalls, at least there was something left. The  
  
only down side was that it seemed to be the food prepared by Legolas  
  
and Gandalf, well, at least the hobbits had some sense of self  
  
preservation. There was a certain drink, however, that seemed to be a  
  
big hit by everyone, this could be because it was the only beverage  
  
left. It was a concoction made by Legolas from a 'secret-elves-of-  
  
mirkwood' recipe. Aragorn didn't think he would touch it because he  
  
had serious doubts about it. The only good thing was people were  
  
enjoying it and there was more than enough to go around, good Lord!  
  
How much had Legolas used to make that stuff?  
  
Something, again, nudged at Aragorn's hip, he looked down it was a  
  
hobbit and a drunk one at that. 'Great, just what I need.'  
  
"Good day, Mr. Strider, what brings you to the Shire?" Aragorn looked  
  
down at the hobbit, it was Pippin.  
  
"Shire? Pippin, this is Gondor and I'm King of it."  
  
"No it isn't, look," he pointed to a random tree, "it's the party  
  
tree and there's old Bilbo."  
  
"Pippin, that's not the party tree, remember what happened to that?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well it doesn't matter, because this is Gondor."  
  
"No it isn't, this is the Shire and where's Gondor?"  
  
"Gondor's in the South of Middl-" Aragorn cut himself off, this was  
  
pointless, another tactic was called for, "look Pippin, there's  
  
Merry!" Aragorn pointed and as Pippin turned to look he fled.  
  
***  
  
Faramir looked at Elrond, who looked at Faramir, who looked at...I  
  
think you get the picture. Both man and elf were looking at each  
  
other expectantly. Finally Elrond spoke up, "I told you this wouldn't  
  
work."  
  
"B-but it has to, because you're all special and so was he..."  
  
Faramir looked like he was on the verge of tears. He had been waiting  
  
for a chance to asked Elrond about contacting Boromir all day.  
  
Elrond looked over at the full-grown man about to cry, "Ok, look,  
  
I'll give it one more go!"  
  
"Elrond lent over the ball and muttered a few words...then a few  
  
more...followed by a few more. Eventually as both were despairing a  
  
strong wind started to blow through the tent, candles went out and  
  
the tent collapsed. The two were plunged into complete darkness.  
  
Elrond staggered to his feet, still covered by the tent, he tried to  
  
make his way to the sides when he tripped over something hard and  
  
squidgy lying on the floor. As his foot hit it an 'ompf' noise was  
  
heard, followed by a groan. "Faramir, you idiot, you should have  
  
stood up by now!" Elrond said to the lump.  
  
Suddenly a lump next to Elrond rose and said, "pardon? what did you  
  
say?"  
  
Elrond jumped. He pulled back the tent and looked at the person  
  
standing beside him, yes, it was Faramir. He pulled the tent back a  
  
bit more and looked at the lump on the floor. Dear Eru! It was  
  
Boromir! Crap!  
  
Faramir's eyes widened with shock and he shouted, "BOROMIR!!!"  
  
***  
  
Aragorn looked from where he was sitting at the table, suddenly a  
  
noise smashed into his ears...Boromir... He quickly looked around,  
  
maybe he had imagined it. As he looked around he noticed that Legolas  
  
and some other people were looking up as well. He went to ask the  
  
empty seat next to him if she'd heard it, then he remembered Arwen  
  
was 'visiting' her grandmother. Cheap excuse to get out of his Summer  
  
Fair if you asked him.  
  
Gimli whispered over to Aragorn, well as much as a dwarf could  
  
whisper, "did you hear that?"  
  
Aragorn nodded and several members of the table swiftly rose and  
  
raced to the direction the noise had come from.  
  
***  
  
Elrond smacked Faramir in the head as he tried to cover the prone  
  
form of Boromir with the tent, "Sing and dance, why don't you? Not  
  
enough people are looking!" Elrond again surveyed the people  
  
gathering around the pile of cloth and lumps that had been 'Elrond's  
  
Mystic Parlour'.  
  
As Elrond thought it could not get any worse, Aragorn followed by a  
  
group of Elves, Dwarves, Humans and Hobbits arrived.  
  
"What the hell is happening?!" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Nothing, nothing" Elrond replied rashly.  
  
Gimli was quick to say, "we heard someone shout Boromir's name."  
  
'Argh!' Elrond thought, he knew that shout was loud but he hadn't  
  
realised it was loud enough to gather this many people to them.  
  
Elrond looked at the faces around him, they were watching him  
  
expectantly, waiting for an answer. "It was just Faramir, he became,  
  
er, convinced that he saw Boromir's ghost, he got scared-"  
  
"No I didn't!" Faramir protested.  
  
"Ok, he knocked his chair back and, he, er, knocked the tent down. He  
  
was so shocked and was convinced that Boromir was there he shouted it  
  
out." Elrond nodded his head, pleased with his lie.  
  
Aragorn eyed him suspiciously, he didn't trust a word of what the Elf-  
  
lord was saying but he supposed it would have to do...for now. "If  
  
you're quite sure," he turned to the crowd, "come on people, nothing  
  
to see!"  
  
Gimli looked down at the mess, "do you need any help here, cleaning  
  
up?"  
  
The way both Elrond and Faramir jumped and shouted "No!"  
  
Simultaneously didn't ease the feeling in Aragorn that something was  
  
going on.  
  
*  
  
Once the crowd cleared, Faramir looked at Elrond, "What are we going  
  
to do?"  
  
"I don't know!" Elrond hissed back, "and lower your voice, looked  
  
what happened last time you spoke so loud!"  
  
Faramir winced, "the probably would have come over anyway!" A bell  
  
tolled. "That's the bell for the feasting to begin! What are we going  
  
to do?!"  
  
Elrond was thinking, finally the solution hit him like it would  
  
Boromir in a few moments. Faramir saw Elrond's eyes light up, quite  
  
evilly.  
  
"What is it? What's your idea?"  
  
*  
  
Faramir shook his head in disbelief, they couldn't do that to  
  
Boromir! It would be so cruel! They were brothers and he had just  
  
returned from the dead! Elrond and Faramir sat over Boromir, he had  
  
regained consciousness a few moments ago, the initial shock hadn't  
  
actually been too much, he had assured them after dying, nothing much  
  
shocked you as much as that...waking up dead. (I know, I know,  
  
Faramir thought that was impossible as well...). Yet now, sitting,  
  
listening to Boromir go on about how he had found the most adorable  
  
cat and all the people he had met, Faramir was warming to Elrond's  
  
plan.  
  
Faramir looked over to Elrond, he quickly nodded his head and punched  
  
his brother. IT should have been enough to knock him out, but it  
  
didn't. Typical Boromir. Elrond looked perplexed, but not nearly as  
  
much as Boromir.  
  
Boromir shook his head and continued with what he had been  
  
saying, "she's the loveliest cat you'll ever see! She's all black  
  
with a few speckles of ginger and white..."  
  
Elrond groaned and hit Boromir with a random piece of wood. Again,  
  
this did nothing, he hit him again, nothing, on the fourth hit  
  
Boromir's body sank, unconscious. Elrond wiped sweat from his  
  
forehead, "Thank the Valar."  
  
As Elrond got up to leave Faramir looked at Boromir, "we can't leave  
  
him like that, what if he wakes up?"  
  
Elrond seemed not to have thought of this, quickly Boromir was gagged  
  
and tied to a chair. Both man and elf made their way to the feast.  
  
***  
  
Elrond and Faramir were nowhere to be seen, 'how strange' Aragorn  
  
thought. Just as he was contemplating about send some men out to look  
  
for them, they arrived, bedraggled and out of breath.  
  
"How nice to see you, do I ask why you were delayed?"  
  
"Oh, just, y'know, putting the tent back up." Faramir answered and  
  
sat down, Elrond quickly following suit.  
  
Elrond glanced at the table in front of him. There was nothing on  
  
it. "Are we too late for the feasting?" He directed his question  
  
towards Aragorn.  
  
Aragorn shook his head and looked met Elrond's gaze. "No, there is no  
  
food left, even the things made by Legolas and Gandalf are eaten. All  
  
we have left is the concoction Legolas made as a drink." Aragorn  
  
motioned to the cup in his hand.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"It's not all too bad, although I do wonder what the strange taste  
  
is."  
  
Elrond reached for his cup, took a sip and spat it out. "Argh!  
  
Legolas, you runt! How could you! This could get an elf drunk with a  
  
glass or two! Imagine the others, with their low tolerances!"  
  
Legolas looked around, he hated to correct Lord Elrond, but he would  
  
not take the blame. "No, no, no, their tolerance is higher than ours!  
  
That's why it's ok to make it, I checked with Arwen before she left.  
  
She said the drink would be perfect for this occasion." Legolas was  
  
beaming with pride.  
  
Elrond merely slumped his head to the table, "Sometimes I wonder  
  
about you, why I /ever/ chose /you/ for the Fellowship! Arwen was  
  
joking, it's the other way around!"  
  
Legolas was taken back, 'oh dear' he thought to himself, 'better not  
  
tell him how much I made.'  
  
Aragorn sighed as well, "Well, there's nothing else to drink, may as  
  
well let them drink it, no more harm can be done than has already  
  
occurred." If only Aragorn knew how wrong he was...  
  
The 'Feast' progressed slowly, talking, Aragorn being thankful that  
  
he hadn't drunk that much. Faramir didn't touch his drink, he just  
  
sat there squirming in his seat.  
  
Eventually Gimli asked, "What's wrong, Master Faramir? You look as  
  
though you sat on a mouse!"  
  
This may have caused numerous laughs from the drunk inhabitants of  
  
the table but just made Faramir more nervous. Elrond kicked his  
  
leg, "stop it! They'll know something's wrong! This is almost as bad  
  
as shouting out his name!"  
  
***  
  
After the feast came the judging of the floats, which Elrond and  
  
Faramir were forced to stay and watch. The inhabitants and guests of  
  
the area were constantly laughing, this made for the movement of the  
  
floats to be incredibly slow.  
  
"Why can't you just make lemonade like a normal person?" Went from  
  
Elrond to Legolas, clearly becoming irritated that this was taking so  
  
long and he couldn't get back to attend to the Boromir situation back  
  
in his tent, "I mean, why were you even trusted to make a drink?"  
  
Aragorn looked at Elrond, and whispered, "I didn't think anyone would  
  
drink it, we had enough of the other stuff...well, I thought we did."  
  
Elrond sighed and went back to watching the floats.  
  
*  
  
Legolas had quickly excused himself to go to the toilet, he had  
  
become tired of Elrond and the others constant jabbing. It wasn't his  
  
fault he fell for a scheme set-up by Arwen and truth be told, he did  
  
kinda need to pee. The more he wandered and thought about it he  
  
realised he really did need to pee. Legolas raced to the toilets to  
  
find that there was a queue as big as Feanor's ego. He couldn't  
  
wait /that/ long! Legolas raced tot he back of the closest private  
  
tent and relieved himself. As he was sorting out his breeches his  
  
heard a muffled noise coming from within the tent.  
  
He peered around the corner, no-one in sight, whose tent was this?  
  
Ah! Elrond's! That explained something. He ventured in and there, in  
  
the middle of the room was Boromir tied to a chair and gagged.  
  
Legolas was shocked to say the least, he raced over to the man and  
  
took the gag out.  
  
"Thank Eru!" He exclaimed, "they just left me tied up like this! Now,  
  
where was I? Oh yeah, Legolas, I have to tell you about my cat..."  
  
After about three minutes Legolas replaced the gag, getting a bite in  
  
the process. He raced back to the judging podium, the others had to  
  
be told!  
  
***  
  
"...so I said to the man, if you're going to give /that/ to him,  
  
perhaps you should buy him a sheep," if it was anyone but Faramir  
  
telling the joke people probably would have burst out laughing about  
  
then. Alas, it was Faramir, the only response he was greeted with was  
  
a group of puzzled expressions and Aragorn asking, "Why didn't he  
  
just give the milk to the man's daughter?"  
  
Faramir sighed, glad to see Legolas had returned.  
  
Legolas was almost breathless, a rarity for an elf. He seemed to be  
  
frantic. "Aragorn! Aragorn! You'll never believe it, Boromir is tied  
  
up and gagged in a tent! And he keeps talking about cats!"  
  
Aragorn looked at the elf with disbelief written all over his  
  
face, "I really think you've had too much of your drink."  
  
Legolas shook his head and /insisted/ the man was there. "Ok, ok,  
  
which tent did you say he was in?"  
  
" 'Elrond's Mystic Parlour' " Legolas replied.  
  
At this Aragorn's eyebrows raised, seeing a jittery Elrond and  
  
Faramir beside him and remembering the earlier happenings. "Oh Eru!  
  
What /have/ you two done?!" said Aragorn as he raced off to their  
  
tent.  
  
*  
  
Elrond was trying to explain, "...you see, every time we un-gag him,  
  
he starts going on about this cat he's got. We think he came back  
  
wrong."  
  
Legolas was nodding vigorously, "when I un-gagged him he kept going  
  
on and on about his cat called...Martha?"  
  
It was now the turn of the gagged Boromir to nod vigorously.  
  
Aragorn held his head, it couldn't be /that/ bad and they couldn't  
  
leave him like that forever! Aragorn reached down and pulled out the  
  
gag.  
  
"Aragorn! How nice to see you, nice to see you're king! Have I told  
  
you about my cat yet? She's the sweetest thing you'll ever meet! She  
  
had yellow eyes and..."  
  
***  
  
Three hours later, while still trying to think of solutions for  
  
getting Boromir back and not having the choice of gagging him after  
  
being so vehemently against him being gagged in the first place,  
  
Aragorn lost it. He raised his sword and over Boromir's head and hit  
  
him with the flat side, shouting...  
  
"Go play with your pet cat! Go on! Go!"  
  
Unfortunately, that was the end to probably-defective Boromir and the  
  
end of the first and last Summer Fair ever held in Gondor. 


End file.
